SUCK FACE BLOW - Drive In Movie Theater Attendant

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

DRIVE IN THEATER ATTENDANT!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

11/02/2006

I always wanted to be more involved with the movie industry and I knew a guy once that had what must have been the most dreamy job anyone could want in the movie biz.

He had deep, sunken eyes that were kind of close together and always seemed to be shadowed with dark rings.

He wasn't all that pleasant. He didn't have much talent, if any at all... and when I knew him, he was a waiter but the chicks could not get enough of him.

It wasn't always like that for him though.... about the chicks, I mean. They wouldn't even say much to him until they found out that he used to be an attendant at a drive in movie theater. Then they were all over him. All of a sudden it was as if he were prince charming.

I just knew I had to get into the movie biz! It was always like there was nothing else to talk about after he figured out the connection between the drive in and the chicks getting all hot for him. I kind of figured there must be a connection, too. It was much more than a coincidence, even though he couldn't even figure why it never worked on the chicks when he was actually in the movie business... only years after he had done his stint did any of the girls take an interest to the connection with fame and stardom.

It must have been some veterans benefits of some sort. Something that go into effect until after a person is no longer affiliated with the motion picture industry. Like a retroactive retirement account of some sort where all of the fringe benefits are kept until they can be enjoyed with maturity or something.

Suddenly, as I was driving across country... I found my opportunity to break into show business and get my little piece of the land of milk and honey.

I was driving through Thermopolis, Wyoming one early evening... and there was the big, weather worn sign just standing like a beacon to my future;

RIO DRIVE IN

PICTURE SHOW

MOVIE THEATER

But it had a big CLOSED sign drawn across it with sloppy red paint.

I knew it was my chance!

I had noticed on the sign coming into town that Thermopolis was only about three thousand people, so I didn't figure anyone would mind... if they even found the want or energy to mind.

So I set up my gear.

I was prepared most definitely... without any doubt I had brought with me everything a person would need to make it in show business.

I had in the trunk, a medium sized large kind of projector, a folding card table to set it up on, extra light bulbs for the projector lamp, no less than ten reels of someones home movies I managed to steal before I left on my trip, and a huge plastic bag of popcorn I bought at the department store. It had to be five or six pounds itself.

I probably paid the difference in gas mileage that I saved at the department store when I bought it, just because of how much and how heavy it was.... but it was still worth it knowing it would help me make it in the biz.

I pulled into the lot where the drive in entrance was to the much welcomed sound of crunching gravel under the tires, and found that the chain had been broken that used to block the way which I knew immediately to be a good omen at the least.

I paused at the ticket booth where I was swarmed momentarily with memories from earlier years and thousands of miles away, of hearing the people in the front of the car swear that I wasn't in the trunk again.

It was almost a tearful moment that I knew held special meaning. Much more so than the obvious reminiscence qualities of warm memories. It was all in line. Show business was just waiting for my entrance upon the stage into the limelight. The world was my Styrofoam clam shell of chili fries and what is more, is that I knew it at that very moment.

I was about to make my debut as a drive in attendant and I could feel the excitement swelling in my chest.... and then in other places when I thought about how cool the chicks were going to think I was.... but my feet always swell a little when I get excited, it is just something about my blood pressure I guess.

I was even more glad as I parked the car and began to set up the projector thinking about how smart it was to swipe those home movies.

The guy wasn't using them anyway, and I needed something I could say was of my relation beyond my mother and father who never did anything exciting beyond family time watching the game show channel.

This would be great opportunity to watch them a few times and make stuff up about the people in them. Stuff that I could remember easily, but still exciting enough to make myself all that much more interesting to the talent scouts and the like. It wouldn't be that hard as they weren't "talkie" movies as they say in the biz... and I could get away with it pretty easy unless the talent guys could read lips or something.

Then there might be some explaining to do. But I was Suck Face Blow. I could wing it as good as the next guy!

If I was lucky, I could watch them all a few times before anyone else showed up here to watch them...... and buy some popcorn of course which I was sure to make loads of money on seeing how inexpensive it was and how much anyone could get away with charging for it at a movie theater.

It then occurred to me that I hadn't managed any popcorn box's! But I did notice through the dust on the old concession stand window, a stack of them sort of leaning over from the scientific effects of gravity and the length of time they must have been there.

I held out hope of easily gaining them given so few reasons to lock any doors at a closed down drive in with less than three thousand people near buy.

It wasn't like there were many weirdo's passing through or anything.

I'm sure I didn't draw any suspicions. I was Suck Face Blow - Drive In Attendant! And I am sure that it showed.