SUCK FACE BLOW - Exterminator

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

EXTERMINATER!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

10/31/2006

When I finally found my calling, it was no where near where I always thought that it would be.

I always just knew that I would be an innovator.. if not in the lime light, then in some subtle and inconspicuous way that no one would even know about for years.

I never would have dreamed I would bring into the world a stroke of humanity and civility that many contend to be unmatched in all of history. In all honesty, I got the idea after having been called to a vegetarian restaurant on an average, everyday check up that we exterminators are prone to with long standing clients. It just keeps them happy knowing that we care and that we stay on top of the rodents and roaches and other filth that their establishments draw as if they were the primordial cesspool itself.

I found myself with a little extra time that day between service calls, so I managed to strike up a conversation with the hippie guy that ran the restaurant. We chatted about vegan stuff, and vegetarian stuff... and even had a slight debate as to whether eating insects would still count as being vegetarian.

That is pretty much where the idea sprang forth from that place no one ever really can explain!

We were talking about the existence of various types of insects and roaches... and we began to wonder if they had feelings. Could they possibly have emotional existences and feelings as well as pain in the manner that humans do (for the most part)?

I have to admit that the old hippie really had a good argument about how all living things were precious in some mystical way beyond or savage comprehension.. But that isn't the part that got me thinking. In fact I couldn't much give a rats ass about whether or not we are all special in some pot head hippie way to some unimaginable creature that none of us could ever hope to understand.

I simply saw a niche and I wasn't going to let it slip by without at least looking into it. And I am glad that I did!

The idea was to play on the sympathies of people at first. Use it as a sales pitch you know... "get in on 'em" so to speak, and then really hit 'em with the big sell... but oddly enough, I didn't even have to sell it!

It sold itself!

It is just that good!

I single handedly managed to reinvent the exterminator business! And I did it with nothing but a little good ol' spit and elbow grease know how! And besides... the girls love it! My date book has been full ever since.

I sat at home that evening and devised a way to no longer actually kill the rodents and roaches. I made exterminating politically correct! I found a way to coax them from out of their hiding places and then to resell to flea circus's as "talent" and to fill the spectator seats.

I found out that there is just nothing as sad as a good flea circus with no spectators.

It might sound a little funny, but the way I managed to begin coaxing these vermin was in the use of "cooing" tactics. I would "coo" and then use one of those wind up monkeys that claps the cymbals and chomps its jaw.. and they would just start filing out of the cracks and crevices, right into the waiting carrying case... soon to be flea circus stars and spectators.

I had done it without ever even trying to succeed!

I was Suck Face Blow, politically correct exterminator!