SUCK FACE BLOW - Recovering Hypocondriac

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

RECOVERING HYPOCONDRIAC!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

10/31/2006

I guess I feel alright today. It is hard to tell these days. I can't even trust myself anymore in regard to how I might feel.

I was feeling really good the other day and then it dawned on me that it was probably a symptom. More than likely a symptom for something far worse than I had ever heard of.

For awhile it was thought that perhaps I was just addicted to anxieties, but then the psychosomatic like symptoms began to occur with more frequency which kind of freaked the doctors out.

I guess I should be proud as the doctors had not ever seen such an acute.. pronounced and polarized example of the psychosomatic manifestation of various illnesses in the degree that I displayed.

Some likened it to a form of superstitious symbiosis... sympathy type of ailments which would actually manifest.

They only started to consider that after I had told them that I experienced odd developments in relation to things I experience. Like reading a book or watching television.

If I read a book about Jesus for example, my hands would start to bleed. If I watched a television program about politics, my nose would become immensly swollen and I would have the distinct flavor of soap in my mouth for days. Bar soap, that is... not the liquid kind.

It was really weird and it got so bad that I developed a case of fleas after watching a few seconds of a cat food commercial.

That is the only thing it could have been as I never really go anywhere except to my annalist and the doctors office. My head shrink told me that it meant that I was definitely a cat person. Especially given that nothing like that ever happened when I would watch anything about dogs.

There was definitely a connection there.

I am recovering though. At least that is what they tell me in the meetings I go to for support.... but then again, I suppose that is what they are for, so how accurate could that be? When you think about it, they get paid to say good things to you... so really, you could be sitting there dieing of some exotic, brain rotting disease and all of the other people would tell you how well you are doing....

...that is of course, if you maintain your medication.

I've noticed that about allot of things around my recovery. It seems to go better if you tell the other people that you have medication. At least it seems there is more positive support to be had.

The support groups are really kind of neat. I would wager that they are the only support groups where the attendants have their own, hermetically sealed enclosure. The bad part is that we have to wait for a precise time to come and go, so as to avoid affecting one another. As if we are being loaded up like astronauts.. or better yet, like researchers in some totally germ free atmosphere.

I had a dream about that once and almost woke up in a heart attack - maybe that is part of the reason I don't sleep? As much as I hated just knowing I was always on the verge of demise from some horrible disease... I was freaked about being in an environment where there weren't any germs, but I realize that is just because of a fear in losing the progress I have made toward conquering all known forms of infectious micro organisms.

If there weren't any in the room I was in, they would most surely get away and probably sneak up on me again. Something like that just made sense beyond any doubt.

If you aren't paying attention to them every moment... they are sure to do something infectious!

Which brings me to my sleep deprivation problem.... of course, I tend to think that people who do sleep are actually imperfections, horrible examples of humanity in the ongoing war against infectious germs and illness.....but then again if I go to sleep I usually wake up with some horrible ailment. The worst being the common cold.

Man I hate the common cold. It totally wastes the modern advance in medicines. Particularly antibiotics.

I think it's a plan. A plan that was derived and implemented by infectious disease's.

Sure, it sounds crazy, but they are living organism's!

Living organisms at least have the potential to communicate, and having the potential to communicate means that there is a potential for conspiring.

Who do you think the infectious diseases would conspire against?

People. More so, unsuspecting people. The common cold is a "dummy," a distraction meant to use up our defense's. It is a ploy onto humanity to distract and infiltrate!

In that respect and from that perspective, hypochondriacs have it pretty good. At least we are on the ball. Always on the front lines so to speak, and ready for such conspiracies to move into action.

We will know before anyone else does, when the communicating micro organisms launch their "take over the planet" plan. Then maybe people will see us in a different light when they recognize us for the hero's that we truly are in the inter dimensional battle for existence.

That is another reason I am not sure I even want to "recover." How do I know it would be "recovering" and not just disarming my naturally heightened detection and defense mechanisms?

And when I consider it... in the light of humanity really being nothing more than progressing insanity in various levels. Who's to say that everyone else isn't abnormal?

Of course that worries me to think that I might be normal, and actually an example of health... if for nothing more than it meaning I could get sick at any moment.

Even though I am Suck Face Blow... a recovering hypochondriac.