SUCK FACE BLOW - Evil Scientist!

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

EVIL SCIENTIST!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

10/30/2006

It might be hard to imagine, but I am really a "good guy" scientist, or at least I was. That is what I went to school for anyhow, but there is just no work to be had being a good guy scientist.

I should have figured given that all anyone ever hears about are the evil scientists. I kind of thought that area would be way too full of potential evil scientists, but in fact there is a huge shortage of them. They just can't seem to keep any real talent around for too long.

It was kind of a surprise to find out after graduating, that my degree being a good guy scientist wouldn't get me anywhere. It was shocking the first few times I applied for work and was turned down just because it said "good guy scientist" on my application. I could have fought it based on discrimination against "good guy scientists," but it just seemed easier to opt for what they needed at the time. I guess that is just the way society is these days.

The biggest pain in the ass was in having to redo my entire resume just to put "evil scientist guy" where "good guy scientist guy" used to be, and then of course come all those silly ethical concerns...but a guy has to eat, you know. And how could it be worse than most of the crib sheet stuff I managed in college?

It kind of bothered me for the first few minutes at my new job, now being an "evil scientist guy" but I got over it as soon as I saw the evil scientist guy assistants.

It is no wonder the evil scientists can hardly get anything done. I almost blew us all up a few times before I got used to fishnet stockings and laced corsets running around the laboratory.

It was really surprising to see that some evil scientist guy that worked there before me, had managed to animate corsets and fishnets. He was careful though seeing as he put them on a limited perimeter for movement. If they left the building they would just fall over like any other regular lingerie.

The assistants like I said, were pretty incredible too. They never missed a beat. And sometimes they were so persistent that it is a wonder they didn't become experiment subjects themselves.

I would bet that they could even run the joint if they had to. They were just that on the ball. Even with the corsets and stockings parading around.

One time in particular I recall finding myself needing to put my big toe back in the hole I had in the standard issue, evil scientist sock I was wearing... and before I knew it, one of the evil scientist assistants was there with a brand new cucumber and an ice cold beer.

It was just what I needed for some reason. I'm still not sure what the cucumber was for so I use it as a paper weight, but the beer went down easy.. and of course I forgot about my evil scientist sock.

That is when the trouble started with my new evil scientist guy job. You see, the evil scientist guy assistant was really quite with it as far as "evil stuff" is concerned... she managed to get me discharged from the evil scientist guy position for drinking on the job and I still have a sexual harassment suit pending.

Me, SUCK FACE BLOW, evil scientist! College degree and everything.

Don't ask me how, but like I said those evil scientist assistants can really do a number on even the most brilliant of evil scientists.

There are just some things that a college can't teach a guy. Even an evil scientist guy named Suck Face Blow.

Maybe they should just forgo the trade of "evil scientists" entirely... and stick with the evil scientist assistant stuff.