SUCK FACE BLOW - Peanut Shell Vendor

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

PEANUT SHELL VENDOR!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

11/01/2006

As many know, I am a socially conscious individual. That is probably the biggest reason I found myself with such a great idea.

It really is true that all a person need do is focus on better serving humanity, and success just happens.

I was at the ball game and it was late.... somewhere around the bottom of the 8th inning, when I noticed something that made me realize that there was an entire social body of the populous which were left out.

"What about the people that are allergic to peanuts?" I thought to myself as I looked to the remnants of nearly countless bags of the snack food strewn just about everywhere a person could see. "Why shouldn't the people that can't eat peanuts be able to experience the same level of pleasure that everyone else does in regard to the ball game and throwing peanut shells on the floor? After all, it is America, right?"

Then, as I further considered it a wave of ideas began to almost fall on me... so fast I could hardly keep up with the flow of it. "What a great business opportunity! Here was the potential for a product that wouldn't cost anything to produce... I would just get a job at the ball park and sweep the peanut shells into a big bag after the games! Then re-sell them before the games."

It occurred to me that the business potential was nearly un-heard of..... on my days off from the ball park, I would set up in front of the zoo and sell them.

"How many times have I wanted to tease the monkeys and the elephants?" I thought to myself almost out loud... which of course sent a bit of alarm through me in concern for giving away my idea before I could implement it.....

I decided to just calm down. Just act like nothing was any different and I was still just another guy at the ball game.

I took a deep breath to relax and not tip my hand so to speak, at the recent discovery which would surely change everything about the pleasure of peanuts.

"Yeah..." I again began to think quietly, "how many times have I been at the zoo and wanted to tease those chattery monkeys? They always acted like all people were there for was to throw them peanuts and other snacks.... Wouldn't this be great! Making it easier for people to get back at them and the elephants a little bit with having empty peanut shells available to throw instead of peanuts and other food... AND, there was nothing the zoo personnelle could do about it since a person really wouldn't be feeding the animals.... just throwing empty peanut shells at them.

Man, was this going to be an incredible moment in my life!"

I really couldn't think of how many times I had found myself just wanting something to throw on the ground for no reason... something to toss in the garbage can in a moment of impromptu to impress the girls. It really was an incredible opportunity that I was in no way about to let slide by.

I might even be able to branch out into the "alarm" business, too. I figured it would be an extension of the target market around using them to annoy people. There is nothing like the crunch of peanut shells under foot to really drive some people crazy. The practical joke market would never be the same... of that much I was entirely sure... and then of course as everyone knows, the various sorts of alarm businesses are just a slight shift from the joke market.

I could just imagine how horrified some burglar would be the first time they stepped into a room that was protected by peanut shells!

How could it fail? It was simply one of those no brainer, golden opportunities that had somehow been over looked.... but no longer.

Soon the world would again celebrate the grandeur of Suck Face Blow - The very first EVER, Peanut Shell Vendor!