SUCK FACE BLOW - TERRESTRIAL BEING

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

TERRESTRIAL BEING!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

11/01/2006

I suppose there are a few people that think I might have had a privileged upbringing. I get that kind of reaction allot when I meet new people that may have heard about me somewhere. "Hey, you're Suck Face Blow! You must be one lucky son of a gun!" they usually say.

The fact is though, that such privileged couldn't be much farther from the truth.

As far as I could tell, the area around my earlier years was as result of some top secret government deal. It was incredibly average, which many would immediately recognize as the most secret of government sanctioned areas of existence. It was as result of some "celestial" brokerage which attempted to divide the essence of existence in a more equal manner than had previously been employed within the spectrum of the known universe. It even consisted of a few inter-galactic treaties and contracted agreements which of course, and quite predictably, fell through.

At any rate, all that I managed... that is, all that my mother and father seemed to merit was the average terrestrial qualities of human existence. In no uncertain terms, and in the political heat of the moment... they just could not afford the "extra" part to go along with it. Most people think that got sold off to some rich guy somewhere that still has it hanging over his mantle next to some flying saucer book ends he doesn't use.

It is kind of a depressing thought when I consider how close I actually was to being an extra-terrestrial... but then again the simple existence I have had hasn't been all that bad... except of course the bad stuff which comprises a goodly portion of it.

But as they say; "Into each life a little rain must fall," right? I should have known it would be a little rough going when I found my goldfish floating in the toilet. My father said that it had died while I was at school and it didn't flush the first time, so he wasn't going to waste the money on the water bill to keep trying until it did. "It would go down eventually" he reasoned.

Then of course was the time we had "fried chicken" for dinner the very evening that my pet rabbit disappeared and was thought to have been taken away by the "poodle monster" or something. I was amazed for years at how deft a dog was at breaking into a large, latched cage.

So I got stuck being the average terrestrial knee deep in torrential floods. So what? From what I have heard and from what I have seen, the "extra" part isn't all that it is cracked up to be anyhow. Like opting for a C.D. player from the factory when you buy a new car.

I probably would have wanted to replace the "extra" part with a better model after a while, anyway. Then where would I be?

I suppose that would have made me a "modified terrestrial" since I would probably have opted to replace the "extra" part eventually... and when I think of it in those terms, it really isn't all that far from the terrestrial being that I am. It really wouldn't have been all that great it seems, so maybe my parents were right in opting to forgo the "extra" part. There is something to be said for experience.

As years went by I grew accustomed to simply being a terrestrial. I really can't remember missing any part of the potential I was so close to in regard to the near miss with "extra" attached to my existence. In fact I am not sure how I would have handled being a full on, extra-terrestrial. It just seems like it would have been a huge, freaky, hassle. Besides, if I would have managed the "extra" part somehow, I am sure I would never have got the wonderful average part of what I have experienced.

As anyone can tell you, they lock extra-terrestrials away in cold laboratories and they never let them go anywhere... unless they manage to break out, I guess. But that gets to be a hassle too, since everyone has to come up with some excuse to explain why the "extra-terrestrial" got out and was running around and causing more U.F.O. sightings and the like.

It just seems like far too much of a bother for my average, terrestrial conditioned existence.

Even though I am Suck Face Blow, somehow it seems as though I am probably better off without all of the extras, anyhow. Maybe there's just not enough of the "extra" part to go around... like it really isn't all that "extra" to begin with? As if it should more reasonably be referred to as "lacking" instead of "extra."

That would make more sense to me... and that should be good enough for everyone else too since I am Suck Face Blow.