SUCK FACE BLOW - Pubic Hair Sculptor

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

PUBIC HAIR SCULPTOR!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

10/30/2006

I am sure you know what they say; LOCATION! LOCATION! LOCATION!

I was going to have the best shop around as I had managed to get the best spot on the block because of some issues about asbestos.. but the landlord assured me that had all been taken care of.

It really didn't matter anyway, everyone knows that asbestos scare was just to have an excuse to re-decorate a few places, and then the idea took off.

Well, that is what I was hoping for. For the "idea" to take off, because I had the best idea anyone had in.. a long time as far as I could tell.

It was such a good idea that I couldn't believe someone hadn't already done it.

I was going to have the best salon anywhere. Maybe even world famous.. and I was going to do it with skills I already had, not to mention an inherent interest I had developed from long excursions under the covers with Nature Magazines.

I always had this urge to help them! The men and women alike! To do something ornate and lively with what always seemed to be a big, bushy mess in every Nature Magazine I looked at.

It took me some time before I could get over not realizing why the photographers and their crew didn't at least spruce the photographs up a little.

It just seemed like there could be so much more done with it. Something tasteful and complimentary.

Something to really make them feel special about themselves.

I was just the guy to provide such a service. I was sure it would prove to be invaluable to say the least with the multitude of designs I had in mind for sculpting.

As soon as I had firmed things up with the land lord, I went ahead and made a huge sign myself while the painters did their thing with the interior. I made it as big as I could so that everyone could see it. I even leased a billboard in the retail district three blocks over.

I was just that sure of this idea and the potentials it posed.

SUCK FACE BLOW

PERSONAL, PUBIC SCULPTOR

UNISEX SALON

That is what I put on the signs for people to read with a rather incredible background photograph that got me more attention in the long run, than the business itself ended up doing.

I figured it would be alright to use a photo from the Nature magazines.. it kind of set the example of the sort of patron I was looking to provide my service for. Someone who was in need of something they maybe didn't even realize they wanted....

....but such is the art of sales and service! And I had found a niche.

I still don't really know why no one ever showed up to the salon. I spent long days there just dozing in the stirrup chairs and on the examination tables. Sometimes someone would walk in thinking it was a "public sculpting shop" of some sort... but I quickly corrected their error with information that obviously effected them to some degree.

I suspect that someone else stole the idea and told everyone that I did a bad job... and am sure that it will show up in some fashion magazine before long.

That must be what happened because there were always people calling about the billboards and the sign out front and they always seemed excited.... and it seemed like there was always someone looking in the front window.

I know it was an interesting idea at least... and like I said, the more I consider it the more I am sure that someone is going to open a pubic sculpting shop sometime soon. maybe just to say they stole the idea from Suck Face Blow, Pubic Sculptor.

I just hope they have the respect enough to open it in a different neighborhood. That would be the least someone could do if they were going to steal such a good idea. At least allow a guy the respect of not having to look at someone else's pubic sculpting parlor as it bussles and bounds with business.

Knowing they would have to see it everyday... even if they were Suck Face Blow.