SUCK FACE BLOW - Santa Suit Billionaire

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

SANTA SUIT BILLIONAIRE!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

12/22/2006

I admit that I kind of stumbled upon it.

But, if you do a little research, you will see that such a manner of discovery isn't all that out of the normal.

I wanted to have a Halloween costume that my parents would approve of one year. Mother never liked the scary ones I always found myself drawn to in the toy isle at the store. You know the ones I am referring to; Uncle Perv And A Banana, the ever popular Blow up sheep farmer.... you know, those really scary ones.

Mother and Father didn't mind the sheep farmer costume too much... they both kind of liked the big plastic flock of sheep for some reason. I think it was just too much fun to use them as big boxing gloves during family time.

I settled on a surprise costume one year that I just knew they would agree with.... I had saved it all year from the previous year packed away in moth balls and deep within the closet so mother couldn't find it when she made sure that all of my things were in the proper place.

I had found it on the way home one evening... stashed away in an alley near Christmas, and just knew it would be a hit as I tried it on that very moment and found that people just started handing me money.

That is eventually how I made my billions this time.... wearing someone else's Santa suit that I found in an alley.. and of course saving all of the pennies and dimes that people gave me daily while just standing around on the sidewalk.

Within a few months I had become a billionaire... but I did have my buddy with the online investment firm do a little investing for me.

Between him and his cousin that prints up the college degrees - we just cannot go wrong. Especially in considering all of the people they know. As close as they are, there is no way anti-anything will ever ruin our fun.

The chicks know it, too. Even though I like to think that they just know a good thing in a Santa suit when they see it... I realize that for the most part, with the Santa suit thing anyhow.... they just know there is something else to bank on behind all of the fluffy trim and soft padding.

I almost gave mother a heart attack when I wore it on that first occasion for Halloween! I didn't think anyone could ever be that terrified of a Santa Suit... but there are some things boys just don't know about their mothers sometimes....

Like, of course, that mother had been having an affair with most of the Santa Charity organization back in her younger, more spry days. Back when group intercourse was just becoming popular. I guess it was great fun to wear costumes of all sorts so that no one really knew what a person looked like.

From what dad told me after they took mother to the hospital to be treated for fainting.... Mrs. Clause would have been so pissed that the elves would have had to move into the barn.

I guess mother really worked those Santa guys over... and dad divulged her little fancy for spankings with a big, black plastic belt.

After realizing that it might be a dangerous thing to other ladies not expecting a Santa around Halloween, I decided I should probably just keep it to use for business around the other holidays... at least around the time of year when people would expect to see Santa... that is, expect to see Santa where they are used to seeing him except for those costume parties having lubrication sponsorships from back in the day.

That is when it occurred to me that blackmail might be the actual reason that so many people are nicer around people in Santa suits... especially the ladies it seems. Like it maybe was/is some bigger scheme that manages to get all the young independent girls to compromise themselves for Santa at some point in their life... just to keep them in line, so to speak - around the holidays... and of course, to remind them about it ever so quietly from the street corners so they will open up their pocket books for that yearly round of hush money.

Maybe that is why I found such a great success almost immediately with the Santa suit? Maybe I kind of stumbled on to more than I thought I did initially with touching on a long standing racket around illicit sexual blackmail?

Either way... I suppose the bottom line is that a Santa suit is a great place to get your jollies in allot of ways.... and even, if you put your mind to it - make allot of money. Especially if you can manage one of those I know what you did looks from behind a fake beard and mustache.

If you can do that successfully... you will have to call an armored car by the end of the day.

Just in that, a person has to realize how much more popular Santa really is than anyone really ever realizes in the day light hours, so to speak.

And when I think about it... finding such a great means of income was inevitable for me.

I am after all, Suck Face Blow! Santa Suit Billionaire!