SUCK FACE BLOW - Canadian Nickle Admirer

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

CANADIAN NICKLE ADMIRER!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

12/20/2006

I must have seen them all by now!

At least the ones minted before 1970. I have looked everywhere a person can think of just to find them.

One thing I definitely have noticed is how it is that there is almost no way a person can spend a Canadian nickle in the United States, but somehow you always manage to get them in the change from various types of goods exchange.

It could be a miracle... but something tells me that the other nickles are just so jealous that they transform themselves in the cash register kind of like spontaneous combustion is said to happen.

I truly have admired Canadian nickles for years now... probably since just before puberty now that I think about it.

I really couldn't tell you why though. Maybe it is just some quirky preference. Some deeper experience bordering on obsession.

I could tell you just about everything a person would want to know about a Canadian nickle... but I won't bore you with the mundane stuff just now. I will however, share with you some of the more exciting traits a person can experience for themselves about a Canadian nickle.

For instance... if you flip a nickle, and it lands with the tail side up...and you can see a beaver? It is most assuredly a Canadian nickle.

I have spent hours on end.. mostly in my youth, just flipping nickles to see if they were Canadian nickles or not... and when you think about it, such an activity when analyzed against the laws of probability.. then can become quite time consuming when it is you happen to be using such a method to determine whether or not it is actually a Canadian nickle.

There aren't any other nickles that show a beaver when their tail side is up. That is the cincher to a Canadian nickle.

I used to just sit there sometimes... even over coffee after I got a Canadian nickle in the change for the cup of coffee I had just paid for.... and stare at it. This of course after going through the proper coin flipping to discern its nation of origin.

I would just sit there in the diner and stare at the beaver next to my coffee for a while. Then usually leave it as part of the tip for the waitress.

I have even used it as conversation pieces when out on dates. Especially on first dates with girls I had hardly met.

It is especially popular for those blind dates where the girl turns out to have a deeper voice than yours and even more so, when the girl has a slight mustache.

I really never realized there were so many coin appreciators in the world.... but then again, you never know until you ask, right? And you can never really have a conversation about Canadian nickles unless you bring it up with someone.

It can be a real ice breaker. Of that I have no apprehension in divulging.

I particularly like how furry the beaver looks sometimes. Strange in some way how it seems to differ some from nickle to nickle. Sometimes, it looks all plump and furry and warm... like you could cuddle up with it... and then other times, it looks all worn out and ragged.

Probably due to the age and level of wear it has gone through over the years and of course the amount of care it may have received while in circulation.

Some people don't even stop to consider the amount of wear and tear a Canadian nickle can endure as it bounces around from one place that won't accept it as tender, to another.

Now that I think about it, some people might even regard them as a nuisance... just in the fact that very few places will accept them in payment for anything.... but still somehow manage to sneak them into your change.

Its like maybe they are trying to put them out into the world... kind of in a "fly... be free little Canadian nickles!"

When it is considered like that, it almost becomes a humanitarian angle.... like spreading good cheer through out the world, one un-spendable nickle at a time.

I guess I count myself in the lucky area there, then... seeing as how I have such a long standing appreciation for the Canadian nickle and all.... especially in the ongoing probability experiment of tails side up amusement.

How could a nickle be wrong that shows a beaver when it lands tails side up?

Beavers are cute and furry... and if you have ever felt the fur, you would know just how soft and smooth they are, too.

Too bad that coins can't convey that yet... but man, will that be the day!

Just thinking about it makes me want to find my favorite nickle and start flipping it again.... just in the expectant fantasies and speculations about that glorious point in time when you can actually land it tails side up.... and stroke the beavers fur with the same amount of appreciation that now can only be asserted in the act of voyeurism.

Maybe I could write the Canadians a letter requesting that they include a small piece of fur on the beavers from now on. Even something like that old fashioned G.I. Joe hair would do for starters even though it was more like a dried up felt marker than it was like hair.

It would still add to the experience of appreciating Canadian nickles. Even if you can't spend 'em.

I'm Suck Face Blow. How could they say no to such a request? Especially when it would make their unusable money even more popular where ever anyone used it like a slug.