SUCK FACE BLOW - Professional Autographer

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

PROFESSIONAL AUTOGRAPHER!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

11/26/2006

How could everyone else have missed it?

Of course I should recant that as I again realize just what it was... more so is, that makes it all the more possible for me to find such ease in greatness. That reason being the inept disposition of most everyone else in society I suppose.

In so many words, I guess I shouldn't poke a gift horse in the butt with too many questions about why it is that no one else saw the opportunity. In fact, I should be praising those who's ardent efforts through the recent history of humanity have managed to dumb society down to such a level as even replacing the ability to discern the potentials of greatness with the ease of a gliding ball point!

I immediately set up shop! I had my mom call her friend at the pet store in the mall and arranged for a small space for me near the puppy window... but not quite in front of the corn dog clown.

I didn't even have to get a business license right away, since it was an entirely new genre of business exchange. Most people didn't even know how to classify it... but that was my immediate advantage as I scribbled away and raked in the big bucks, while the official guys sat around scratching their heads.

Even on the first day, the line just to get to my little table there in mall, was stretched all of the way around to the movie theater. It had the guys there, picking up on teenagers to do cheep porn, in literal fits of jealousy.

I was cooler than Rango's drum solo in Rucky Raccoon!

I had every nuance of human greatness ever even considered as they just kept coming and coming. Waiting sometimes for hours on end just for a glimpse and a few empty words... and of course, the opportunity to continue their day having gained the stain of my inexpensive ball point pen on some scrap of paper... which of course, proved that they had been in my presence.

If only for a few brief seconds.

It most definitely had to be cooler than that drum solo... and hotter even, if I may say... than Danny boy and his presumed six shooter.

I knew what Rango must have felt like as the girls all swooned and awaited that simple little moment in an otherwise, rather drab song about some character of fiction and a silly love triangle.... which of course, Rango did of his own and therefore, made the entire song worth while.

It was the accent in music that will not soon be forgotten..... the display of a deft ability that few others would ever realize.... except myself, of course... now being a professional autographer.

I was slightly amazed at first, as it was that I couldn't figure out why no one was even concerned with what it was I may have been involved with that could lend such a coolness to my simple autograph. Especially to the tune of being as cool as that drum solo... but again, I found myself just going with the flow anchored firmly in that previously mentioned ideology of not ruining a good thing with far too many questions....

...and further, questions which might have jeopardized something so seemingly cool and timeless within the very limited scope of modern society... as a person might actually see that drum solo if they were to consider... only for an instant - the vast potential within existence, and of course the impermanence which goes along with it.

Impermanence that is.... if you don't happen to be Rango, or as cool as that drum solo.

After a few days of autographs in front of the pet store I began to get a little bored... I started to wonder just why it was that the porn guys were so upset... then I realized that it was harder for them to get young girls to participate in their films for as little as twenty bucks... when there was something as cool as Rango's drum solo near by.

It did make me begin to consider some things though... like why not make a few movies of my own? The girls seemed to be into it... even for as little as a twenty dollar bill. Why couldn't I get the same kind of action from my obviously sought after autograph?

It was worth well more than twenty bucks.... and I was Suck Face Blow... how could the girls pass up the chance to have such a good time and make a few movies?

All I needed now was a video camera... of that much I was sure.... and a few more inexpensive ball point pens of course - just to make sure I could compensate the young ladies for their time and all.

I'm like that you know? Always looking to make the square deal available in anything I might endeavor to accomplish.

Especially when it comes to the ladies. They deserve the best a guy can offer, regardless of how he may procure it.

That just goes as an unspoken truth, even for Suck Face Blow, Professional Autographer.