SUCK FACE BLOW - PARROT TRAINER

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

PARROT TRAINER!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

No big surprise that I am somewhat of a trend setter.... But one of my favorites that has brought me much notoriety and success has been that of being a parrot trainer. Pleasurable I might add, as well!

Sure, anyone can teach them to talk.... and I do that to some extent.... but my claim to fame is much more notable.

I am the guy that first taught them to sit on the perch. Before I set such standards in Parrot training, all they did was flop around the bottom of the cage. It was quite the break through! Needless to say, people are much more satisfied with their parrots now that it has caught on in a broader sense.

It just made sense to me standing there watching a parrot just flounder in the cage one day.

Why not put a stick in there and teach it to sit on top of it? I thought to myself.

It proved to be a great move needless to say, and improved the sale of parrots almost unimaginably.

They instantly became more likable. More of a feasible pet, no less. Particularly in the sense that a person no longer had to crane their neck over the edge of the cage just to look at a floundering bird rolling around on some newspaper.

The guy that first started to teach them to talk was kind of mad. Though he never admitted it, I bet it was like one of those "why didn't I think of that" kind of seizures after he noticed the first few sitting on the perch.

At first it was kind of difficult to get them to move around the cage without just flopping to the bottom again and waiting to be fed... but once I managed to get them to associate their food with hopping over to a bird feeder... it caught on as well, much in the manner of mimicry.

One bird would see another one enjoying some tasty snacks... and as I said, at first they thought just falling to the bottom of the cage and wiggling around would get them food.... but soon, as they noticed one another moving around, it was no longer a challenge to teach that part of perching to them. I knew I was becoming more successful as I noticed fewer and fewer "thuds" accompanied with squawks and the bustling of feathers flitting around.

Soon, I franchised the idea.... it was just the only thing to do as more and more people were pirating the concept of teaching parrots to perch.

I still have trouble collecting the residuals for the patents. It was just one of those instant successes that brought with it a huge amount of scavenging in the form of copycats.

I still enjoy it though, just knowing I have managed yet another contribution to the world. Whenever I see a parrot on a perch, I smile a little inside knowing that things are just a little better because of a little old fashioned know-how, as it were.

Besides that, it reminds me that I am none other than Suck Face Blow. And who wouldn't be happy about that?