SUCK FACE BLOW - MECHANICAL COW SLOT MACHINE ASS!

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

MECHANICAL COW SLOT MACHINE ASS!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

12/21/2006

I got 86'd from a casino once years ago out in Nevada. It was just the one time that they bounced me, but it wasn't for anything out of line in a social sense as I learned in a hurry.... it was because I had managed to accidentally find my way onto a mechanical cow slot machine.

I didn't know it, but those are considered pretty special.

The mechanical cow slot machines don't look any different really... it isn't like it is a theme of decoration. it isn't even as though it is a variation on the common games a person can find versions of slot machines providing.

It was just that the row of them had been designated for the mechanical cows from the area.

I guess it was some extended version of grazing rights that spilled over from the more agricultural days of the area where the casino was.... back when there were real cows instead of the mechanical ones they use these days.

Every day like clock work, the mechanical cows move through the row of special slot machines... almost in shifts. And everyday the employees at the casino make sure that they are available.

I guess there is nothing like a mechanical cow throwing a tantrum about not being able to get to her favorite slot machine. I hear that back in the day, when they first introduced mechanical cows to the local area... a person could even get whacked for impeding the movement of the local mechanical cows.

Again, allot of people think that is some sort of an extended development from the old west days when the real cows would just traipse into the casino and graze around.

Of course, now that I give it some thought... the mechanical cows might even be better in those instances since the regular cows tend to crap allot... and especially back in the old cowboy days... I would imagine there were a few run ins with the lonely cow poke just in off the range... and a slow moving cow in the casino.

Maybe that's really where they got the idea to call them cow pokes?

I always thought it had to do with branding... but now that I put the two of 'em together, I'm not all that sure.

In fact... I wouldn't be surprised if the mechanical cows were invented just to curb such urges after long, lonely rides out on the prairie and all that.

Either way though, the mechanical cows just go insane if they can't get to their slot machine.

And as the old saying goes there in the city of blinking bulbs and free booze - if the mechanical cows aren't happy... ain't nobody going to be happy!