SUCK FACE BLOW - Super Hero

The Coquetries Of

SUCK FACE

BLOW

SUPER HERO!

A Short Fiction Series

That Is Supposed To Suck!

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

10/28/2006

I hadn't come up with a theme song, yet. I figured that would probably just develop as my popularity grew. I would probably just get one in the mail from some fan expressing depths of adulation that only us Superheros could ever know.

To be entirely honest, I had not even figured out what my special powers were. I had tried a few things, but found that most of the results were kind of normal.

I knew I couldn't walk through walls... and found that out directly a few times before I had convinced myself that such a special power just wasn't mine. Thankfully I never needed many stitches.

I tried reading minds, but again just found kind of a normal percentage a person might expect of educated guess work.

I attempted to bend metal bars... but like the T.V. guys, I ended up having to substitute copper wire wrapped with foam and painted to look like metal.

I really had to come up with something fast... my superhero outfit would be here in a few days. I made sure of it when I included the extra to cover the "rush" costs any self respecting Superhero would opt for once they found out. That is, once they knew about their having been chosen to embody special, super hero powers.

My friends all said it was just an advertising scam. Something meant to dupe kids and perhaps those lonely, bored C.E.O. types that don't have anything better to do than dress up in costumes and play different roles.

This was different. They were just jealous.

I really had been chosen to be in the next generation of Superhero guys. I even had a certified newspaper filler insert that said so.

Maybe, as I think about it... I would actually have to wait for the costume before the super powers would take effect?

I decided against trying to fly until I at least had a cape... just from the common sense approach in observing the results of all the other "test" action I subjected myself to.

I did realize though, that I seemed to have an above average knack to procrastinate. Maybe that could be one of my best special powers?

If I could manage to get the bad guys on the phone, then make some appointment with them... I could always be late for the appointment and there-in begin an ill fated series of actions to thwart their evil plans?

I was good at making up excuses, too. sometimes even such good excuses that anyone I used them on left the room entirely mesmerized!

Most people always thought that they were just confused... befuddled as it were, at what sort of inane reasoning had just crossed the path of their existence.. but I knew that it was really the beginnings of some rather unique super powers.

Yeah, I could procrastinate and fabricate excuses like no other person I had ever even heard of. Sometimes I didn't even need to practice them... either of them. Like it was something I was meant to do. I could make an excuse out of anything. It didn't even have to be a reason.

I figured the first thing I would do once my outfit arrived.... after figuring out a few special powers, that is... was get right to work on the really hard mysteries. Those deep and unanswered questions that have haunted society for years.

Personally, my first job as a superhero was going to be bringing the sock monster in, to face his "come up-ance" as they say. I can't think of a longer standing streak of criminal activity that still looms "at large."

The sock monster was going to have his day very soon.... just as soon as my out fit arrived.

I figured I could set a trap for him... something not too obvious though. Maybe leave a big note on the refrigerator that said I was going to go sock shopping at a certain time. That would be the bate. Then I would leave the receipt laying around on the coffee table... maybe I would get bold about it and leave it on the washing machine.

Either way, I knew it was far too much for the sock monster to pass up.

Then, I figured a regular old rat trap would do if I pasted it to the inside of dryer so it wouldn't flop around and spring the trap too soon. I couldn't see how that could miss. The nearest I could tell was that the sock monster had to run around the inside of the dryer wheel really fast to keep up with the tumbling socks...probably tormenting them and torturing them with taunts and verbal abuses before he would strike.

I was kind of counting on that actually... at least he would be distracted from seeing the rat trap pasted to the dryer carriage.

Then I would have him! Hands down, the sock monster would be mine.

I couldn't wait to pose for my front page photo with the sock monster all bound up like a bad guy.

I was Suck Face Blow, Super Hero!

And soon, the rest of the world would know it, too!